i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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