I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
