it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
