I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
