Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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