my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My bed smells like the plague
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
