I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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