erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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