I am midnight drunk by noon
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
