Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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