So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm getting married
To pizza
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize