just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
