we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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