Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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