so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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