I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
