I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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