Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
