Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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