Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
