We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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