please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
