Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
