Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
