I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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