Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize