Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
