Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
