It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
