You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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