Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
