ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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