she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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