I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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