Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
