Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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