You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
