I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
