I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
