I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I think I just sharted jello shots
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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