I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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