the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
