Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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