You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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