the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
