a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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