is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
