I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
