she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
