I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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