my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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