i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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