boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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