on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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