3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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