also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
