O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
