Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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