Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
