can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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