i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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