how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
