Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
