I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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