Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
