As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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