I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
