Princesses don't give blow jobs
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
