I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
