Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I will be naked everywhere
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
