I didn't shave. On purpose
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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