I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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