Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize