The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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