Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
