I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
